Thanksgiving weekend ended quicker than I had wanted it to. We stayed in Maine the correct amount of days, but they seemed to fly by at extreme speed. The dread of telling Eli was hastening every moment of the day. I could barely enjoy any of the dinner that Thursday night because of my stomach lurching with every glance Eli gave me.
Even the trip home, with its long hours and dreadful boredom, seemed to pass within minutes in my despairing thoughts. Eli fell asleep for most of the plane ride which eased the pain of having to look at him with a fake smile.
I squeezed his hand, and whispered, “I’m sorry,” while he slept soundly. “Just remember that.”
*****
The taxi pulled up to my house and halted to a stop at the sidewalk. Everything was moving in slow motion. I got out of the car and watched the door swish closed behind me. My shoes hit the pavement slower and slower as I approached the house. Eli had led the way and placed my luggage in the living room while I followed behind stiffly. He was going to stay for a moment or two and then take his car home and unpack. It was in those few moments when I was going to have to tell him. If I didn’t tell him then, I wasn’t going to tell him at all.
“Eli,” I said, my voice shaking. “I need to… talk to you about something.”
He didn’t say anything, but sat down on the couch and looked at me in anticipation. “Do you?” he asked, folding his arms over his chest.
I stopped, looking at him strangely. “Huh?”
“I know what you’re going to say, and I guess I’m glad you finally decided to come out with it.”
My heart increased its beat. I didn’t speak.
“Denise called me that afternoon and let me know that she told you,” Eli said, looking at the ground.
“Oh,” I mumbled. I stood there awkwardly, biting my tongue for being such an idiot. Of course Denise told him already. She wouldn’t keep something like that from him, and probably didn’t expect me to either.
“Why didn’t you just ask me about it?” Eli asked, looking me in the eyes.
“Are you serious?” I said, speaking finally.
Eli’s eyes widened in astonishment.
“You hate talking about your family!” I exclaimed. “Every time I even try to bring it up, you always change the subject! What was I supposed to do?!” Where was all of this coming from? This was not what I meant to say.
“I may not like talking about it, but I would have told you!” Eli yelled back. “You didn’t have to go sneaking around for answers!”
“Okay, I just don’t understand what was so bad about it that you couldn’t even tell me! I know it was painful and everything, but was it horrible enough that you had to keep something that happened eight years ago all to yourself? Surely, you got over being kicked out of your father’s house by now.”
“Don’t even fucking pretend that you know anything about me! Because you don’t! You don’t know a thing!” Eli roared. I had never seen him so furious before, and the anger behind his eyes was beginning to scare me.
“There you go with the secrets again!” I screamed. “Why do you care so much that I know?! I thought honesty was the best policy!”
“BECAUSE THAT’S NOT WHAT HAPPENED! I lied! I lied to everyone! There, happy now?!” He was breathing hard, staring at me ferociously. We were both quiet, and it suddenly occurred to me that there was more to the story that I did not know. Not even Denise knew.
Eli grimaced and stormed out of the house, leaving me standing there with my mouth hanging open in surprise. He slammed the door behind him, and I heard his car engine roar to life in the driveway. I sunk to my knees as I listened to the vehicle drive away down the street.
“What have I done?” I asked to no one. I hated myself. Eli knew the whole time, and I had been such a coward. How could I have said those things? I had barely known anything about what I was saying, and I blew it. He would never talk to me again.
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